Thoughts on Building Relationships

The brokenness of sin leads to the brokenness of relationship. Relationships are the foundation of how God created mankind. Satan’s plan is to attack relationships by bringing despair, pain, unresolved conflict, anger, strife, and a lack of forgiveness. The pain that is felt in this life can leave a person crippled. The effects felt through the despair of divorce through unfaithful spouses leads to widespread disconnect of students without hope. If a person cannot even trust their family, who can they trust?  Many students ask this question. What do we do about the rampant brokenness relationally that people feel more and more? How are we to respond as the church to the pain that plagues relationships in the family, church, community and the world? How do we engage students that have seen marital failure, substance abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse and more? Jesus is no stranger to the pain of brokenness of relationship. He felt the ultimate pain of brokenness over sin through the cross.

Healthy relationships are crucial for long-term growth. In today’s culture people often learn to focus upon independence and easily become isolated. Isolation is growing although we are more connected more than ever with technology. Jesus connected with people by pouring into the disciples throughout his ministry. People are in need of a trusted friend that will speak God's truth into their situation.

Here’s a few ways to build solid relationships with people:

• To be able to see potential even before the person realizes their potential. It is being able to assume the right assumptions about people.
• To respond instead of react to personal conflict. Relationships are filled with conflict.
• To be aware that decisions that are made not only affect the current generation but also future generations.
• To be willing to ask the right questions about people. Don’t listen to gossip but go to the source.
• To spend time with people listening, encouraging, and asking questions about their life.
• To listen more than talk.

Goals for 2011

I have enjoyed the Christmas season with friends and family! I'm excited about all that God has done in 2010. I'm looking forward to what God will do in 2011! I have been praying through goals lately and just thought I'd write out some of my thoughts.

A few questions that I ask myself on a regular basis:

“Do the students have a real relationship with Christ?” If so, “are they reaching their friends with the gospel?” “Are we fulfilling the Great Commission (Matt. 28:18-20) and the Great Commandment (Matt. 22:37-39)?”

"What is the student's home life like?" (If Christian home), "How can we encourage parents to bring up their student in the Lord? (If broken home/lost parents), "How can we encourage the student and share Christ with their parents?"

Ministry Goals:

Equipping Leaders - weekly times developing mature leaders for one hour with accountability and encouragement. I meet on Wednesdays at 4:30 with 9 students (who feel called to ministry)and go over their quiet times and what God is teaching them in their life. We have seen growth within the leaders of the student ministry and I look forward to seeing them take more leadership roles this new year through preaching, evangelism, service and worship. Instilling our V.A.L.U.E. statement will be key this year as well (Vision, Attitude, Leadership, Understanding, Excellence) into the adult small group leaders and student leaders.  My goal is to help develop four more small group leaders to better care for and disciple the students. We meet bi-monthly for training and encouragement on Sunday afternoons.

Reach the Unchurched - We want to move from a youth group mentality (it is about "me") to a youth ministry mentality (students become ministers, not just spectators). Lead students to invest and invite their friends to Refuge and share their story. We do this by taking the message series on Wednesday nights and continuing discussion during their small groups. The goal is to build community and a heart to reach out to those without Christ. My strategy to fulfill this goal is to teach biblical, relevant and challenging message to encourage students to seek God in everything they do in life. Students will be encouraged to bring their friends to an environment that is conducive to guests feeling welcomed and accepted.

Family growth - My goal this year is to develop tangible ways to help parents lead a family Bible devotion once per week. We also want to see parents praying with their student before going to bed. We are currently using "HeartConnex" to help parents have devotions together. What I find astounding is the lack of Biblical training within the home and my desire this year is to help equip parents to be the leaders spiritually. We will be having three "ParentLife" events that will hone in on our desire as a church to come alongside parents and help them disciple their children/students. We are planning a "MarriedLife" as well to help nurture and grow marriages in our church and community. Marriage is the foundation for a healthy family. My goal is that we are helping people to develop strong relationships as Mom and Dad which will overflow into how they parent their children.

Missions - We are taking a mission trip to Costa Rica this year! We will be serving orphans and children in the region of San Ramon. We will also be serving at WIRED camp this year and make an impact on our own community. Each small group is to develop their own way to serve the community each quarter. We want to be all about servant evangelism so that people see our love and the gospel. Students who learn to serve in and outside of the church will keep them engaged far beyond high school graduation!

Authentic Community - Small Groups are to facilitate community and acceptance. Create an environment of openness on Wednesday nights through meaningful worship, hangout time before and after, and through games and activities. The strategy is to help leaders connect with students at their point of need. We want to see students experience Christ-like relationships in small groups and during the week. Small groups must become like a family that is passionate about the love of Christ and love for each other. We measure this goal by the attendance and stories of life change that result from the small group ministry.

Just a few thoughts as these goals are not finished. What are your goals for 2011?

Thoughts on Reaching this Generation

Many students today are asking the question,“what is real.”  The one issue that is keeping many ministries stagnant or dead is the lack of leaders being authentic. Doug Fields explains it this way, “If you pretend to be something that you are not, it is dishonest, hypocritical, and damaging to students because they will eventually find out the truth” (Fields “First 2 Years 2002, 93). Student ministry must develop a place that students are accepted and encouraged to be open about life. This quote explains Jesus’ heart, “he often met people’s physical needs first, which opened the door to meeting their spiritual needs. Jesus was a master at relational evangelism: building a relationship, developing trust, and earning the right to be heard” (McKee 2004, 65).

The key to connecting with today's student is to ask questions about their beliefs and give them a chance to share their issues. Meeting students at their point of need is dropping all attitudes of coldness and tradition in order to listen. Leadership in student must exemplify this statement, “Godly character is the foundation for Christian leadership, the essential qualifying element. Because it earns people’s respect and, most important, produces trust, character is the most crucial factor in relationships” (Malphurs 2003, 56).

Methods must change in order to reach this generation of students who base their decisions and lives on feelings and peer pressure. Students desire this in today’s culture, “communion with a God who can do what they can not do for themselves: provide ultimate love, hope and meaning in a world littered with the residue of religious disillusionment” (Dunn “Shaping”, 36). Youth group must be a place of safety, love, and acceptance. It must remain this way to have an environment that will encourage openness and life-change. Postmodern value is based on experience and relativism. This quote explains, “People want to see faith, not just hear about it. Our culture is visually driven; giving us a perfect opportunity to show them that Christ is alive is by our actions” (relevantmagazine.com). Relativism permeates itself through high schools in America and further strengthens itself in college culture.

In order to engage the culture, student ministry should come along side teenagers who are struggling in this pluralistic society. Students are looking in all areas for direction and fulfillment. This should be found in the local church. Christians can no longer put their heads in the sand of condemnation, but respond as Jesus did with the outcast Zaccheus in the Jewish community by saying in Luke 19:10, “For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save the lost." Jesus’ heart is to see His prize creation become redeemed through His blood on the cross.

The cry of the hearts of students is for authenticity from trusted leaders. In Mike Yacconelli’s said, “When we treat people as individuals, we are not only treating them as authentic people and being authentic ourselves, we are showing that Christ is authentic” (Core Realities of YM, Yacconelli 44). Authenticity in Jesus must be exemplified in student ministry to affect life-long change. Relational ministry is the wheels that student ministry must ride on to be effective in the long run.