Parenting Decisions that Drive Me Crazy
Student ministry is filled with excitement, spontaneity, late nights and life changing moments. At the same time there are some hard aspects of helping lead students and parents into a growing relationship with Christ. I guess I had some assumptions going into ministry back in 2004 that parents in the church are making decisions to lead their children to prioritize their relationship with God. The truth is there are equal issues within the church as well as outside of the church. Attending a church on a weekly basis does not automatically mean a person is a follower of Christ.
Here are a few things that I find absolutely crazy as a student pastor:
1. Parents who make conscious decisions to put sports, school, activities, etc. above church (worship, small groups, mission trips).
It goes a little like this, the parents have great "intentions" for their children to follow Christ and make wise decisions; but, their direction is leading them to basically look at church and a relationship with God as non-important. I've had conversations with this type of parent and usually they come to me in a state of emergency "I-need-the-student-pastor-to-fix-my-child" mode. What breaks my heart the most is that they will spend years investing loads of money, time and effort into sports, activities, clubs and barely invest the Word of God into their lives! If all you do is push them to achieve perfection in every area except serving Christ, you will more than likely reap this result. Spend time training up children to pursue and share the gospel of Jesus! Remember, good intentions are never enough. Key verse: Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6
2. Parents living through their children.
Everyone will live through their children to a point, but what about going to extremes?
Example 1: "Super-Insecure Dad." We have all seen it. There is that one Dad at the baseball game who is jumping and screaming in the stands at his son (who is trying his best, but isn't a Major League baseball candidate). This Dad is basically "Uncle Rico" from the movie, Napoleon Dynamite! He makes his son play sports with the hopes of one day receiving a full scholarship to college. It is a worthy goal, but is your child truly passionate about playing? Are you boasting in Christ or in your children's ability? Key verse: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4
Example 2: "Perfection-Expecting Mom." There is that mother who pushes her daughter to achieve A+ grades at any cost and if she receives a B grade her self-worth is beat down by the expectations of the parents. Parents need to encourage their children to work hard, try their best and more... but not at the cost of building their identity into a grade, class or an activity. Students today are more stressed out than ever before. Can grades become an idol? Can the pursuit of perfect grades simply be an extension of pride?
Example 3: "Emotional-Stalking Parent." The last example is the parent who treats their son or daughter's boyfriend/girlfriend as their spouse! Most students date because they want to be "popular" and accepted. Boundaries are almost forgotten because of the parents becoming emotionally involved in living through their children and building their own self-worth through the relationship. Students who date in middle school and high school leave room for more temptation rather than spiritual maturity and purity! Why are parents pushing their children to date seriously before they are even emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally able to understand true love? Is it due to the parent feeling "special" because their son or daughter has a significant other? (Twilight obsession anyone?) "Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." 2 Timothy 2:22. "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." Song of Solomon 8:4.
3. Parents who steer their children away from following God's call on their life.
I have had the privilege to encourage and equip students (college and high school) who feel God calling them to do something for God's glory. I went to college with many friends who had parents who were not supportive of them going to Bible college. Because to the world (and some parents) going into the ministry is a low income decision, and we know that everyone has an "opinion" about people working for churches. I think some parents want their children to know God but not love Him enough to give up a six figure job to go into ministry. Is ministry hard? Yes. But it is a privilege to serve a God who is alive and share that good news with a world that is dying without the hope of Christ! Jesus warned about building earthly wealth over building His kingdom.
I'm not a parenting expert, but I hope to encourage parents to set the spiritual direction in the home while allowing their children to develop their own personality and passion to honor God.
Key verse: "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 6:5-7.
Mission - Vision - Values
The foundation of Refuge Student Ministries is the mission, vision and values. We are all about bringing students into a relationship with Christ, helping them grow in their walk with God and others, and equip them to use their spiritual gifts in ministry to others. Jesus called a group of people and poured into them throughout his ministry and prepared them to lead the church. Jesus left us with a calling and responsibility – to make disciples (Matthew 28:19-20).
I have been challenged to move away from a ministry built on programs and move toward a ministry developed around relationships (Matthew 22:37-40). We envision the student ministry as Great Commission in the sense that we want to influence those in the community by being the church not just going to church. We seek to develop relationships with the un-churched for the purpose of sharing God’s grace and love with them.
Mission: Why are we here? What do we want to accomplish? To lead students and parents into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ.
(By providing a safe place where meaningful relationships form, make authentic disciples, and impact unbelievers with the gospel.)
Vision Statement: How do we get there? What will ministry will look like?
We exist to reach students with the gospel of Jesus Christ, connect them with Watermark Church, and equip them to serve and live for Christ
Values are an important part of life and ministry. Values are what come out of the vision and mission of what God has called the church to be! In student ministry we value certain principles to help build growing followers of Christ. I thought I'd share with you the values of Refuge student ministry!
Relational Evangelism
We will call upon and equip students to embrace evangelism as a way of life. We want students to be the “light” of Christ and for students to impact their schools and influences. Our desire is to make Christ known in the community and the world.
(Matthew 28:19-20, Matthew 5:16, Acts 1:8, Mark 16:15).
Enduring Relationships
We want to students to have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. We want leaders to have strong relationships with one another, with students, and students’ parents to develop positive peer pressure through mutual accountability, and encouragement. We want students to have accountable relationships with other students, their own parents, and the church body. This will establish good relationships within the Refuge student ministry. (Matthew 9:12, 13, 36, and Luke 19:10)
Family Growth
Our Student ministry exists to support what God has called parents to be. God has called parents to be the primary spiritual leaders in the home. Therefore we will do everything we can to love, encourage, support, and equip parents to be the primary spiritual leaders. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9; Ephesians 6:4).
Undying Worship
We want students to live everyday seeking the presence of God. We desire to see students develop personal convictions and boundaries in their life. We will teach and model what it means to live a life of worship and give students opportunities to express worship corporately and individually. (Romans 12:1, Ephesians 5:12-13, I Peter 2:1-3 & 11-12, Hebrews 12:1-2 and I John 2:15-17).
Growing Disciples
We are passionate about equipping and encouraging students to develop a personal relationship with God. We value the Bible because it is truth. It was the truth when it was written and it is the truth now. It is a lamp, a guide, and an anchor that students can trust in the midst of a lost culture. We want students to trust the Bible as a trustworthy foundation and apply it to their lives. We want students to develop their talents and use them to serve others. We want students to learn to serve and find their spiritual gifts for life-long ministry (Ephesians 6:19, Hebrews 4:12, Luke 6:47-49, Psalm 119:11, II Timothy 3:16-17, Joshua 1:8, and I Thessalonians 5:17, Acts 2:42, 1 Corinthians 12, Romans 12, and Ephesians 4:1-14).
Excellence
We want to do the best we can to reach students for Christ. We determine to do our very best to stay relevant in student’s lives and to be active in their lives. We desire to honor God by bringing our very best in our love and care for students. Every aspect of our life we want to live with excellence for God's glory (Colossians 3:17, 23, 2 Timothy 2:15).
Thoughts on WIRED 2011
We have just finished WIRED 2011 this past week! It was an amazing week of serving our local community with over 60 ministry track teams and 900+ students! It is a great example of the church coming together to impact the community with the love of Christ. It is our third year joining together and it is always a special time for refuge student ministry! I am once again amazed at the passion shown in the students serving each day! I'm encouraged to know that this generation will impact this world with the gospel! It was a blessing to help lead some of my students to Christ after our church group time. True community was experienced in the students this past week. It was powerful to hear students share their hurts, pain, and victories in front of 70 plus students! I was reminded of the blessing of being a student pastor to watch students show love and encouragement to one another. Our prayer is that the heart of ministry and community will only continue! My prayer is that students will rise up to serve God on a daily basis!
Check out the video from the week! My brother Justin did an amazing job once again with the video!