Encouragement or Flattery?
Be assured, if you walk with Him and look to Him, and expect help from Him, He will never fail you. –George Mueller We all want encouragement. We all need encouragement. Even if your "love language" is not words of affirmation, a kind word is uplifting. I can remember the times in my life that people invested in my life. I can give encouragement but my inclination is criticism. Sad isn't it? It is much easier to find fault than to encourage. Personally, I can remember the criticism I have received over the years more than the encouragement. We need to encourage more and criticize less, especially within the church!
You see, encouragement is not flattery. Flattery is giving praise to someone for an unchangeable attribute God provided (mental capacity, family, nationality, skin complexion, hair...). Our culture thrives upon flattery (just go watch reality TV!). Focusing on the outward attributes leads to temporary joy.
Flattery can be...
- "You look so good in that dress"
- "Look at how handsome you are!"
- "Your hair is so pretty"
- "Wow, you have a great voice. You should go on American Idol"
- "Your message was amazing, you inspire me"
It gets even messier when you apply flattery in ministry. We all appreciate comments that lift us up. We crave it, especially when discouraged. Danger arises when we only listen to people who flatter us. What happens when we are criticized? Encouragement is not just telling each other how amazing we are. If we base our worth on flattery, we will have false identity.
So the real question is, are we looking for encouragement of flattery?
To encourage means “to inspire with hope, courage, or confidence.” It is to give courage to others. Courage to face the trials, insecurities, and pain in life. Encouragement is to give courage to one another to run the race with determination and perseverance (Hebrews 12:1). It is much more about how we finish, then how we start! Encouragement is pouring the hope and love of Jesus into each other's lives.
Encouragement is expressing character qualities exhibited in a person's life. It is focusing upon the grace of God in each other's life. Encouragement can also mean listening to correction from those who love you. When close friends say hard things to me, it is hard to swallow. If we want to be encouraged but stay humble, we need accountability and vulnerability. We need encouragement to battle the struggles and humility to die to self.
Practical ways to encourage one another:
- Speak sincere words (Ephesians 4:29). Avoid sarcasm when encouraging others.
- Share encouraging scripture (Romans 15:4).
- Pray on the spot privately if someone expresses a need to you (don't just say, "I'll be praying, see you later").
- Buy someone's lunch without expecting anything in return.
- Send a quick text message, card or note to a friend.
- Privately encourage a person based on their growth in Christ. "Thank you for leading prayer today, I can see God using you."
- Encourage first before criticizing (Proverbs 10:11).
- Give encouragement without expecting it in return. (Only then is it true encouragement and not flattery).
What Do You Crave?
We all have cravings. For me, I crave E.L. Fudge cookies and during the fall, candy corn! We love sports, the national peanut festival (it is a big deal here in Dothan, AL), our hobbies, and more.
Cravings are a result of what we fill our minds with consistently. Many times I spend time thinking more about the negative aspects of life than the positive. I guess more of a cup "half empty" type of approach. For others, there is a more positive way to view and think about life. The world offers darkness as if it is light.
"Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever" 1 John 2:15-17.
When I think about the world's cravings, it is just like John wrote in verse 16, "physical pleasure, craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions." In 1 John, he is writing specifically to Christians everywhere. The focus of 1 John is that worldly success equals doing whatever makes you feel good (sexual, lust, etc) and focus upon self (achievements and possessions). The kingdom of God is focused upon craving the glory of God!
What about when we have the wrong appetites? How do you respond when you fail? When my attitude, words or actions are not bringing glory to God, I tend to become discouraged. The discouragement is not from God, but from the enemy. You see, Christians aren't perfect. The world wants to point the finger and say, "hypocrite!" Our appetites can quickly crave the immediate cravings of the flesh. But we have been given life through Christ, how can we dive into the old cravings anymore? When we have been given the gift of salvation and restoration, how can we go back to the toilet of the world anymore? The reality is that everyone who is a follower of Christ is a sinner saved by grace. We are made new through Christ but still wrestle with our sinful nature. We should be convicted by the Holy Spirit but that leads to forgiveness and encouragement to run after God. The discouragement you and I feel on a regular basis is not from God, but the enemy. Don't lose heart and don't beat yourself up. Admit the appetite of the world and fill your mind with truth in order to crave the heart of Christ!
The outward, physical world is fading away. Every moment we are one step closer to eternity. Every moment the cars, houses, clothes and our possessions are deteriorating. We are not bodies with souls, but souls with bodies. Our bodies are temporary. Our lives on earth are here and gone the next. Every moment we live on the earth is a gift. Every breathe. Every heartbeat. Every moment. What will spend our life craving?
I am still a work in progress. One thing I do know is that God has given us a new identity as His sons and daughters! We should crave His kingdom and not the kingdom of this earth. What are you craving? Are you hungry for the heart of God or the "stuff" of the world?
Empty Words
"Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:29 (NLT).
We all communicate. We use body language, facial expressions, and words. Words are powerful! How many times have we heard, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" Almost everyone agrees this statement is false! We all remember the words that were spoken to us 10+ years ago. The words sting just as much as the first time. Our words can be empty with defeat of filled with life to encourage others.
God has been chipping away at me, especially in how I use my words to people. Some of the time it is not the words I'm using, but the attitude and heart of what I am saying to my friends, students and my wife. We have tremendous power with our words. We can use opportunities to speak life into others or to tear them down. I have been guilty so many times of using empty words to hurt others because of my own insecurity and self-preservation. Insecurity masks itself as a bold confidence many times. How many times have I used empty words that are filled with defeat rather than victory? My prayer is that my words will give life and grace for people to have hope in Christ. Jesus said, "And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak" Matthew 12:36. We will take an account of our words, we need to be wise in our words.
God has been chipping away at me, especially in how I use words in my prayers. Am I going to Jesus first and worshipping Him every day? Many times I focus on reading my Bible looking for a new message idea, topic or illustration. Instead God is telling me to consume my heart into His heart. Be still. Listen. Stop. Wait. The urge to do more is the tempting response in ministry when we are hurting. Those who are facing the most spiritual warfare and discouragement are the ones on the front of the battle lines. The world teaches that peace is found in surrender to selfishness. Empty prayers are saying "pre-packaged" statements that are filled with tradition. God desires honesty, transparency and humility. God desires a clean and contrite heart.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to go through life with empty words to God and others. Are you using words to build others up or tear them down?