The Invisible Wall

Invisible walls can spring up in work, family and marriage relationships. Many times the invisible wall comes up because of misunderstanding, unresolved conflict, disrespect, and more. - Students have invisible walls. Walls are built because of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. Why do so many students leave the church or never step into a church? Many times their past writes their story. The wall of pain is invisible to them but to others it is obvious. The invisible wall comes across with discouragement and rebellion. The students who are hurting the most are usually the most rebellious. It is an invisible wall that only comes down through the power of the Holy Spirit through meaningful relationship with them.

- Relationships have invisible walls. A miscommunication, pain conversation, financial stress and more. We put on the "happy" face. Our goal is to push the conversation away from the pain because the invisible wall says, "nobody cares, just deal with it on your own." A close relationship offers grace. Grace to share without condemnation. In marriage, listening and remembering is one of the greatest ways to tear down walls. It is easy to "wander" when I'm listening. When I am not "present" I do not show worth to my wife and friends. Listening is a key ingredient in order to tear down the invisible wall.

- Churches can have invisible walls. People come in and out of the service. Attendance can even go up and more people  join. What if there is an invisible wall that only newer people see and older members are oblivious too? A wall of acceptance? A wall of racial prejudice? I usually ask newer people to my church what they think and get their input.

How do we destroy the invisible walls?

Give permission. If you want walls to come down in relationships, you must allow people to be real. Perception must not be the currency of relationships. Building relationships must be the way to remove walls and create close relationships.

Ask and listen. Try to understand the heart of the person who is sharing so that all walls can be torn down. The reason many people have walls up is because we do not listen and remember what they say. I know the times I forget what my wife says, it hurts her and reveals that I care only for myself. Listen and do not add your own commentary. It is their story, their pain, and their struggle.

Make Changes. Do we need to be willing to change? Yes. We can always learn anything from anybody at anytime. Listening and understanding from one another creates a step towards close relationships. It might be admitting a mistake, "I'm sorry for not understanding you like I thought, will you help me to understand your story more?" The invisible walls that we put up hold us back. Holding us back from the relationhips that we all desire. Through the power of Christ, we can love each other like He loves us.

Life is too short to put up walls.

What else can we do to get rid of invisible walls? 

When Do You Let Go?

Student ministry is under a lot of pressure lately. Books, conferences, blogs and books are calling for a change in student ministry.  I hear constantly about how many students are leaving the church. It is startling and heartbreaking. Families set the standard for students. I think most would agree. Does family ministry mean we only invest in students who have parents who are committed to the church? I say no. I know many students who come that are looking for the truth of Jesus despite their parents. I have multiple friends who came to know Christ through a student ministry who invested in their life. If there were no student ministry, they probably would not have heard the gospel as a student.

But what about high school students who lose interest? Her are some reasons we want to let go of high schoolers and write them off:

• Family. Parents are the greatest influence upon their lives (what Mom and Dad do, they usually will do).
• Lack of Leadership. They are told to be adults but are still treated like children a lot of times in the home with no responsibility (we expect leaders but society expects adolescence).
• Relationship. The tendency is to pull away but what they desire is loving adults to come alongside and encourage them.
• Hard Questions. Are we willing to let them ask the hard questions? Are we willing to allow them to struggle through decisions?
• Rebellion. Students rebel and the church either rejects them or shows consistent love and encouragement. Never give up on them.
• Lack of Gratitude. Older students are not singing our "praises" anymore like a 7th grader.

When do you let go? I think it is a both/and not a either/or answer. Some would say only invest in younger students because the high schoolers will completely lose interest. I think it is a natural process for older high schoolers to struggle through their 11-12 grade years. The desire for relationship is higher than ever. A few graduates are now closer to me then they were in High school. This is why relationships matter more than a program or their mistakes. Relationship helps keep students invested in the ministry.

We need to maintain focus on the basics. We need to help students understand who God is and how to come to know Him. We need to unashamedly teach the Bible with passion and sound theology. We need to lead students to serve God with their lives.

Are we basing student ministry on the "now" or upon who they become?

What do you think? I'd like to hear your thoughts?

I'll Pray About It

If you have spent any time in church, you have heard someone say, "I'll pray about it." It is a response often given to a prayer request or an opportunity to serve. "Will you be willing to lead a small group?" or "Are you wanting to go on a mission trip next summer?" The response is, "I'll pray about it."  I don't know about you, but how often do we truly pray? In today's culture there is a tendency to run from commitment. Maybe we are so "nice" that we are not willing to be honest and say no? We do not want to let other people down so our first response is to avoid conflict. So what does it really mean to pray about it?

Prayer is not a substitute for obedience to God's Word. Prayer it is to acknowledge God’s greatness and surrender our will to follow Him. 

"Never stop praying." 1 Thessalonians 5:17

The ultimate purpose of prayer is to bring our hearts into line with God’s heart. Only then will be be able to see, feel, and experience His leading.

A few ways we use "I'll pray about it:"

• Prayer requests. People share a prayer request and we tell them we will pray but forget. Pray with them on the spot and write it down to remember (James 5:16). My father prays for me on the phone just about every time we talk. It means the world to me that he emphasizes praying without ceasing.
• Missions. We know that followers of Christ should be on mission. Locally and internationally. But, it will affect our plans and budget. So, we continue to pray about it, waiting for the perfect feeling, amount of money and friends who feel the same way. Jesus said, "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age" Matthew 28:19-20.
• Serving. We know we should serve. But, what if I commit to serving and I am not perfectly consistent and do a terrible job? So, you wait until all is right in life and your schedule is cleared. Service flows out of obedience. Obedience then results in joy and purpose!
• Sharing the gospel. We know we should share our story with others. But, what if I say the wrong thing and they do not understand me? So, you wait until the "perfect moment" (cue the invitation music) to tell your friend how you came to know Jesus.

God gives us opportunities each and every day. For me, I have missed many opportunities because I was too wrapped up with my own world. Too often we are waiting for the perfect feeling, emotion or circumstance to obey God's Word.

God's grace is sufficient for us. God doesn’t care to be amazed with brilliantly crafted theological words. He isn’t impressed with long prayers. It’s nice to know that he wants us to keep it simple. He desires a clean heart to say "yes." The reward of prayer is the relationship with God.

What are your thoughts? How can I pray for you?