Parenting Decisions that Drive Me Crazy

Student ministry is filled with excitement, spontaneity, late nights and life changing moments. At the same time there are some hard aspects of helping lead students and parents into a growing relationship with Christ. I guess I had some assumptions going into ministry back in 2004 that parents in the church are making decisions to lead their children to prioritize their relationship with God. The truth is there are equal issues within the church as well as outside of the church. Attending a church on a weekly basis does not automatically mean a person is a follower of Christ.

Here are a few things that I find absolutely crazy as a student pastor:

1. Parents who make conscious decisions to put sports, school, activities, etc. above church (worship, small groups, mission trips).

It goes a little like this, the parents have great "intentions" for their children to follow Christ and make wise decisions; but, their direction is leading them to basically look at church and a relationship with God as non-important. I've had conversations with this type of parent and usually they come to me in a state of emergency "I-need-the-student-pastor-to-fix-my-child" mode. What breaks my heart the most is that they will spend years investing loads of money, time and effort into sports, activities, clubs and barely invest the Word of God into their lives! If all you do is push them to achieve perfection in every area except serving Christ, you will more than likely reap this result. Spend time training up children to pursue and share the gospel of Jesus! Remember, good intentions are never enough. Key verse: Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

2. Parents living through their children.

Everyone will live through their children to a point, but what about going to extremes?

Example 1: "Super-Insecure Dad." We have all seen it. There is that one Dad at the baseball game who is jumping and screaming in the stands at his son (who is trying his best, but isn't a Major League baseball candidate). This Dad is basically "Uncle Rico" from the movie, Napoleon Dynamite! He makes his son play sports with the hopes of one day receiving a full scholarship to college. It is a worthy goal, but is your child truly passionate about playing? Are you boasting in Christ or in your children's ability? Key verse: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

Example 2: "Perfection-Expecting Mom." There is that mother who pushes her daughter to achieve A+ grades at any cost and if she receives a B grade her self-worth is beat down by the expectations of the parents. Parents need to encourage their children to work hard, try their best and more... but not at the cost of building their identity into a grade, class or an activity. Students today are more stressed out than ever before. Can grades become an idol? Can the pursuit of perfect grades simply be an extension of pride?

Example 3: "Emotional-Stalking Parent." The last example is the parent who treats their son or daughter's boyfriend/girlfriend as their spouse! Most students date because they want to be "popular" and accepted. Boundaries are almost forgotten because of the parents becoming emotionally involved in living through their children and building their own self-worth through the relationship. Students who date in middle school and high school leave room for more temptation rather than spiritual maturity and purity! Why are parents pushing their children to date seriously before they are even emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally able to understand true love? Is it due to the parent feeling "special" because their son or daughter has a significant other? (Twilight obsession anyone?) "Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." 2 Timothy 2:22. "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." Song of Solomon 8:4.

3. Parents who steer their children away from following God's call on their life.

I have had the privilege to encourage and equip students (college and high school) who feel God calling them to do something for God's glory. I went to college with many friends who had parents who were not supportive of them going to Bible college. Because to the world (and some parents) going into the ministry is a low income decision, and we know that everyone has an "opinion" about people working for churches. I think some parents want their children to know God but not love Him enough to give up a six figure job to go into ministry. Is ministry hard? Yes. But it is a privilege to serve a God who is alive and share that good news with a world that is dying without the hope of Christ! Jesus warned about building earthly wealth over building His kingdom.

I'm not a parenting expert, but I hope to encourage parents to set the spiritual direction in the home while allowing their children to develop their own personality and passion to honor God.

Key verse: "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 6:5-7.

Paul and the Law

Paul’s view on theology is evident in his explanation of the law and what justification through Christ means throughout his writings in the New Testament. The law that was written was ultimately God’s law and it was a revelation of His will to the people of the Old Testament. To be born a Jew was a great privilege and honor and for those like Paul who was taught a young age it was embraced in the society. The importance of the law and the fulfillment of the law through Christ is made evident in the Damascus road experience. Paul experienced the transformation of a new life in Christ and opened the door for him to impact the world with the gospel. Paul’s view of the law before his conversion was quite militant and focused upon the letter of the law. The letter of the law meaning he was devoted to the code of the law and finding purpose and forgiveness through keeping the law. Pharisees found their acceptance through their traditions and pursuit of keeping the law. His devotion to the law made him zealous persecutor of the early church and his conscience was not cloudy because of his belief in following the law to secure righteousness before God. Paul was passionate about being “right” in the law and missed out on following the true Messiah that the Pharisees were waiting for (and are still waiting for today). The verse in Galatians 2:19 explains this further, “I through the law died to the law, that I might live to God.”

Paul’s view of Judaism after he was converted was seen in a whole new light. Paul’s view of the Law being the end in order to receive righteousness, it turned into becoming the “school master to bring us to Christ” (Gal. 3:24) and ushered in the belief that Jesus completed the law and now it is a mirror to show us our need for redemption through Christ. The word “school master” is important to understand because the law was primarily given for a certain purpose as an attendant to lead us to Jesus, who is the real teacher. Paul makes it clear that the Law was never given for salvation (we could never obey it), but rather it was a finger pointing to the One who is the only teacher, Jesus. Paul continued to minister to both Gentiles and Jews throughout his ministry and spoke of how both were in bondage in sin and were in need of dying to themselves and come alive in Christ.

The completion of the law that Jesus did on the cross points to Christians being dead to their sin and alive to Christ. God has done through Jesus what the law could not do and that is Jesus paid our sin debt on the cross and paved the way for an eternal relationship with God. Paul encourages believers to move from our weak “flesh” and live in the power of the Spirit.

Paul reminds his readers that salvation does not come through ritual, eating the right foods, wearing the right clothes, but only by grace through faith (Eph. 2:8-9).

Lastly, Paul continued to point not to the outward but to the inward (2 Cor. 3:3). Following a written code or tradition is empty without Christ at the center of it. When a person is changed in their heart by the power of the gospel, they can be made complete through Christ and set free from the bondage of sin. The law now should not to be pushed away but honored now that Christ has fulfilled it. The attitude towards the law should be one that focuses on obeying God’s commands with a spirit of freedom that only comes through a relationship with Christ.

Managing the Social Networking Monster

On Wednesday morning I led a breakout session for Beach Week 2011 on "Managing the media monster." I thoroughly enjoyed speaking and listening to students from Florida, Georgia and Alabama share about the struggles, temptations, and choices they face. We walked through how to apply scripture to the choices they face, especially when it comes to social networking and music.

It is obvious that the Internet plays a huge role in culture today. For many under the age of 20, it is hard to believe that the Internet at one time did not exist! I remember the days that we had dial-up Internet where you would have to make sure everyone was off of the phone so you could connect. What was once a difficult and cumbersome act, now the Internet has now been the place where people are finding their identity and community. It is a wonderful tool that can be used for God but at the same time it can be used for evil.

(I encourage you to read the book, "Chasing Elephants" by Brent Crowe. It has a great chapter about the Internet that I used as a help for this study).

How do we wade through the junk that is online and instead of diving in head first, we engage the lostness with the love and truth of Christ?

Many respond to this question by becoming like monks from any social networking, media or music. They separate themselves from the world at such a distance that they can no longer impact the world. It is a fine line that we walk as followers of Christ. At the same time some people jump off of the diving board of social networking and plunge into deep addiction, identity crisis and sexual temptation.

How can social networking be used for evil?

• To tear down people through gossip (Proverbs 13:3)
• To become addicted to knowing what is happening in other people's lives at all times (Ephesians 4:29).
• To become addicted to wanting other people to know what we are doing at all times.
•  To become “numb” or “bored” with real life adventure, outdoor activities, exercise and face-to-face interaction.
• To lead to Pornography and Sexting. (Matthew 5:28, 2 Timothy 2:22, Job 31:1

Truth:  Our eyes can be the doorway to their hearts and because of that we must guard our eyes.

(an example of how social networking can be used to damage other people)

How can social networking be used for good?

   It takes small decisions in order to be pure!

• Ask for accountability - Covenant Eyes is a great tool.
• “Bounce your eyes!” - Job 31:1
• Invite and encourage friends to come to church!
• Share Bible verses on your status to encourage others.
• Write a note/blog online to tell others of how you can to know Christ.
• Use social networking to build others up!

Social networking is an excellent tool that can be used to help people come to know Christ and focus on what is important. My prayer is that you will learn how to distinguish between the good and evil ways that social networking can be utilized! Instead of using music/facebook/twitter/google+ to escape reality, use it to communicate to people the love of Christ!