The Invisible Wall

Invisible walls can spring up in work, family and marriage relationships. Many times the invisible wall comes up because of misunderstanding, unresolved conflict, disrespect, and more. - Students have invisible walls. Walls are built because of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. Why do so many students leave the church or never step into a church? Many times their past writes their story. The wall of pain is invisible to them but to others it is obvious. The invisible wall comes across with discouragement and rebellion. The students who are hurting the most are usually the most rebellious. It is an invisible wall that only comes down through the power of the Holy Spirit through meaningful relationship with them.

- Relationships have invisible walls. A miscommunication, pain conversation, financial stress and more. We put on the "happy" face. Our goal is to push the conversation away from the pain because the invisible wall says, "nobody cares, just deal with it on your own." A close relationship offers grace. Grace to share without condemnation. In marriage, listening and remembering is one of the greatest ways to tear down walls. It is easy to "wander" when I'm listening. When I am not "present" I do not show worth to my wife and friends. Listening is a key ingredient in order to tear down the invisible wall.

- Churches can have invisible walls. People come in and out of the service. Attendance can even go up and more people  join. What if there is an invisible wall that only newer people see and older members are oblivious too? A wall of acceptance? A wall of racial prejudice? I usually ask newer people to my church what they think and get their input.

How do we destroy the invisible walls?

Give permission. If you want walls to come down in relationships, you must allow people to be real. Perception must not be the currency of relationships. Building relationships must be the way to remove walls and create close relationships.

Ask and listen. Try to understand the heart of the person who is sharing so that all walls can be torn down. The reason many people have walls up is because we do not listen and remember what they say. I know the times I forget what my wife says, it hurts her and reveals that I care only for myself. Listen and do not add your own commentary. It is their story, their pain, and their struggle.

Make Changes. Do we need to be willing to change? Yes. We can always learn anything from anybody at anytime. Listening and understanding from one another creates a step towards close relationships. It might be admitting a mistake, "I'm sorry for not understanding you like I thought, will you help me to understand your story more?" The invisible walls that we put up hold us back. Holding us back from the relationhips that we all desire. Through the power of Christ, we can love each other like He loves us.

Life is too short to put up walls.

What else can we do to get rid of invisible walls? 

When Do You Let Go?

Student ministry is under a lot of pressure lately. Books, conferences, blogs and books are calling for a change in student ministry.  I hear constantly about how many students are leaving the church. It is startling and heartbreaking. Families set the standard for students. I think most would agree. Does family ministry mean we only invest in students who have parents who are committed to the church? I say no. I know many students who come that are looking for the truth of Jesus despite their parents. I have multiple friends who came to know Christ through a student ministry who invested in their life. If there were no student ministry, they probably would not have heard the gospel as a student.

But what about high school students who lose interest? Her are some reasons we want to let go of high schoolers and write them off:

• Family. Parents are the greatest influence upon their lives (what Mom and Dad do, they usually will do).
• Lack of Leadership. They are told to be adults but are still treated like children a lot of times in the home with no responsibility (we expect leaders but society expects adolescence).
• Relationship. The tendency is to pull away but what they desire is loving adults to come alongside and encourage them.
• Hard Questions. Are we willing to let them ask the hard questions? Are we willing to allow them to struggle through decisions?
• Rebellion. Students rebel and the church either rejects them or shows consistent love and encouragement. Never give up on them.
• Lack of Gratitude. Older students are not singing our "praises" anymore like a 7th grader.

When do you let go? I think it is a both/and not a either/or answer. Some would say only invest in younger students because the high schoolers will completely lose interest. I think it is a natural process for older high schoolers to struggle through their 11-12 grade years. The desire for relationship is higher than ever. A few graduates are now closer to me then they were in High school. This is why relationships matter more than a program or their mistakes. Relationship helps keep students invested in the ministry.

We need to maintain focus on the basics. We need to help students understand who God is and how to come to know Him. We need to unashamedly teach the Bible with passion and sound theology. We need to lead students to serve God with their lives.

Are we basing student ministry on the "now" or upon who they become?

What do you think? I'd like to hear your thoughts?

Is Facebook the new Myspace?

What do you think? Lately, it seems like Facebook has become filled with spam more than ever before. I remember the days of MySpace. Everyone, especially younger students loved it. To me, it was always hard to navigate through and read. Like MySpace, I think Facebook is losing steam in the social networking battle. Google+ is looking better and better each day, but everyone and their grandmother is on Facebook! My all time favorite is Twitter. Why? Because it is basic. You have 140 characters to write with no "like" button or multiple game invites! Twitter wins the "social networking award" in my opinion. We will see it unfold in the coming years. Second to Twitter, Google+ is next in line to Facebook. Will Facebook die a slow death similar to MySpace? We will see.

Social networking is a great tool. It can be used in great ways. You can share scripture, encouraging comments and more. It is a place to share pictures and videos to family and friends. But, the danger that arises is when we see social networking as the actual way we socially interact. We are in a generation that is connected technologically but disconnected relationally. MySpace lost its relevance when it moved away from the basic premise of social networking. It became lost in its purpose. Facebook is slowly losing its purpose. It has gotten so messy. A thumbnail of a dirty picture was left on my wall from spam this past Saturday! I quickly removed it as fast as a I could! Facebook has become less relevant due to ads, spam and games.

The same is true in our spiritual lives. We become distracted by the things of the world. Before we know it, we have lost our focus upon our main purpose. We need to stay focused upon the basics of glorifying God in our lives.

Let's remember that social networking sites can be used for good. But, authentic relationships are meant to be in person. We were not meant to focus all of our energies looking at a computer screen. Social networks can be helpful in connecting people, but it will never take the place of life on life relationships. I pray that we become more connected to God rather than more "connected" on social networks. I pray we never substitute face to face interaction for a social networking website.

What are your thoughts? I'd like to hear them.